I am a terrible prayer. Okay… I used to be a terrible prayer. I am a mediocre prayer.
A few years back, I had an experience that now leads me to remind people to be very careful about what they pray for.
I felt that prayer to God was different than talking to God. I have always been open to follow God’s instruction and have conversations with God about that instruction. But asking Him for things intentionally, didn’t sit right with me. I’m sure we could follow this statement down a rabbit trail of “you didn’t ask Him for things because you didn’t feel worthy”. I’m not sure you would be wrong. But this is not that story. It is a story of the power of prayer. Prayer done right, with a pure heart and great belief.
Our children went to public school before we decided to homeschool them. When my youngest started kindergarten, it was time for me to go back to work. My husband has an odd schedule, which makes me the main child care member of our marriage. I am happy to be that person and would not change that in any way.
What I wanted was to be able to work during the school day and be done by the time the boys were out of school. I chose to live broadcast corporate meetings using social media tools. It was a perfect fit. Live broadcasting and live coverage of social media was just coming onto the radar of many companies. Confused? It’s like Facebook Live. 🙂 I landed a few clients and was doing well. I was making my goal income and was able to fit it all within my schedule requirements. Then I landed the gig of all gigs. It was fun and creative and daring.
It had someone coming in live for a virtual interview. This person was important. I don’t say that lightly. You ask, “What was this person saving lives?” I say, “Yes, they do.” This person was two assistants important. I had promised these two assistants that all would go seamlessly. That there were not going to be any technical hiccups. I spared no expense. I hired a top notch right hand person for the day and had a large staff. All the equipment was checked, double checked and connections were secure.
We were ready to nail this.
Then the paint started to peel off the walls. My littlest got sick. I had to find a babysitter for him. Enter my first seed of doubt.
My right hand person got sick. Very sick. Enter my second seed of doubt.
This was not my first rodeo handling a large event with curves thrown at me. It was going to be okay. It was okay.
The big important person’s time slot came up.
They connected! The interview was going like gangbusters AND THEN THE CONNECTION DROPPED.
You saw that coming right?
We worked tirelessly to get the connection back and it just didn’t work. The issue was beyond what I could fix. My client was just sitting in the viewing room watching a blank screen.
After what seemed to be FOREVER, we got the feed back up and it all continued humming along.
But that 13 minute experience changed me. What got me was that my little guy was home sick with a babysitter and I was not there.
I was out somewhere getting my butt kicked for something that I really didn’t give a lick about. <– Is that even a saying? (It is now…)
At that moment, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and with emotion that I didn’t know I had, I simply uttered, “I don’t want to do this anymore.” I immediately felt a whoosh and I heard a faint, “Okay.” My knee jerk reaction was to try and grab it back and panic. I knew in that moment, that I was heard and it had been done. I could feel a calm that I wanted, but that I didn’t want. I wanted to be done, but did not want to fail. I knew that I had accidentally just prayed my business away. I could just tell. I finished the event, packed up and went home to my sick little one.
I did not book a single client after that accidental prayer. Four months after that event, we decided to homeschool. There is no way I would be able to continue that business anyway.
God was right there waiting.
It doesn’t matter how often you pray.
I know it’s hard to understand how God could possibly be “right there” for everyone. I feel this is especially true if you are feeling disconnected.
It is not our job to try and figure out God’s schedule and how He handles His messages. It is our job to choose to believe.
Belief is a choice. It is accepting that you may not understand everything, yet you still trust that there is a God in heaven looking out for you.
Why would you want to do this thing called life on your own? I know that I don’t and wouldn’t ever want to.